Am I really doing this?
by Lonixa
Summary: Percy Jackson has done it all. Well almost all of it. He hasn't dealt with a loltia goddess or teach brats at a magical school. This should be interesting.
1. Lolicons reading minds, lovely

"So this is the place." Percy murmured to himself as he stood in front of two huge gates, barricading him from getting inside the castle. The castle was old, yet well kept. It had stone that went as far up as Percy could see with a forest next to it.

Checking the address one last time, Percy walked up to the huge gates and knocked three times. While he wasn't exactly terrified about staying in the dark, he'd rather get over this as soon as possible.

At the age of 19 years old, Percy had seen some stuff in his lifetime. He had fought monsters, Gods, Titans and even as far as Primordial Gods. Hell, he had even killed one of the makers of earth. That had to count for something, right?

So, imagine his surprise when Hecate asked him for a favor. Sure, he was used to the gods asking him for favors, (More so demanding). Though to become a champion? How cliché was that?

However, all he had ever known was war, since the tender age of 12 he had fought and bled more times than a trained soldier of Vietnam. The number of people he had lost over the years was overbearing as well.

"It will be good for you to get out of the house." Percy mimicked his mother's words. He only locked himself in his room for a good two weeks! That's all!

Letting out a deep breath, Percy knocked again on the big wooden doors to the castle. Waiting for a response, he grunted angrily when nothing happened.

' _Hecate, are you there?'_ Percy asked in his mind.

' _What's up?'_ Percy couldn't help but roll his eyes. Honestly it amazed him how nonchalant some of the gods were.

' _What the hell am I doing here?'_ Percy wondered. He had no idea why he had accepted this proposal from her.

' _Your teaching a school this year how to fight, duh. I thought we had been over this multiple times. Honestly how does your ex say it? OH, Yeah! You are a Seaweed brain!'_ Percy could practically hear her giggling on the other side. Honestly she was the exact opposite of Hestia, but still in kid form. Completely deviant and rude.

Percy let out a deep breath. _'First off, was the really necessary to bring that up?'_ Percy asked and hastily continued before she could retort. _'Secondly, I am at the school, Hogwarts, was it? How the hell am I supposed to get in?'_

It was quiet on the other line for a minute, then two, and three. _'Hecate?'_ Percy questioned through his mind.

' _I may have forgot to tell Albus that you were coming today.'_ Hecate responded quietly into his mind.

' _WHAT!'_ Percy screamed into his mind. _'How did you just forget to tell him I was coming? I've been bitching to you about it all week!'_

' _No arguments there...'_ Hecate trailed off, her voice still quiet. _'On a side note, he's coming out to get you now. Apparently, I forgot to tell you the school year has already started. Have fun and bye! ^-^'_

' _Did you just send me an emoji face?'_ Percy wondered to her. No response. "I didn't even know gods knew what emoji faces were." Percy muttered.

Letting out a deep breath, Percy waited at the front door of the school. It didn't take long until the door opened and there stood an old man with a beard that strangely reminded Percy of Gandalf from Lord of the Rings.

"Are you Gandalf?" Percy asked out loud to the old geezer. Percy cursed himself for being unable to keep his trap shut.

The old man just looked rather amused instead of angry, "To be honest with you, you are perhaps the first person to ever correlate me with Gandalf. I do appreciate his beard though. How he was able to keep it in such good shape is beyond my mind."

Percy rose an eyebrow, "You do know that he is a fictional character made from movies."

The old man waved it off, "You do have to admit though, it was still rather impressive."

Percy nodded after a moment. Being able to keep a beard that long without it getting tangled was rather impressive.

The old man clapped his hands together, "Now my boy, are you perhaps Perseus Jackson?"

Percy nodded, "You can call me Percy for short. Perseus makes me sound old." Percy let his hand out for a shake and the old man took it.

"You may call me Albus, Albus Dumbledore. It is nice to be called by my first name every once in a while. I must thank you for saving the world. You have become a beacon for hope for all demigods around the world I am sure."

It was Percy's turn to wave him off. "I doubt it, I had a lot of help from all of my friends and family."

A twinkle in Albus's eye's unnerved Percy just a tiny bit. There was no way he could do that with just his eyes, right? "While I do believe that you had help from your bonds. I still believe that you did most of the work. However, we are not here to dwell in the past. I believe my mother has taught you how curriculum operates?"

Percy groaned, while Hecate was relatively a laid-back person. She had drilled Percy to know practically everything there was to know, while he was awake and asleep. In three months, he didn't get a single day off. He only got to eat once a day, Damnit! "Yes, your mother has taught me everything I needed to know, even if she was a female dog about it."

' _I suggest you watch your mouth mister. I'll wash it with soap if I need to. :P'_ Hecate butted in.

Albus let out a short laugh as Percy squinted his eyes in anger, _'Lady, don't you have a chick flick to watch or something?'_

' _Only with you Percy, want to watch it with me?'_ Hecate asked in a seductive tone to Percy which made him shiver.

' _Absolutely not.'_

' _Aww, Percy is so mean to me :'('_ Crying was heard in both Albus's mind as well as Percy's.

Albus gave Percy a look, "You do know we will hear this for the rest of the night if you don't do anything about it now."

Percy groaned, slapping his hands to his face, "What did I do to deserve this torture?"

Albus pursed his lips together, "Get a goddess to fall in love with you?"

Percy's hands slowly slipped down his face, "I did no such thing. I've already had enough of a fucked-up love life. The last thing I need is a goddess to love me."

The crying now was becoming unbearable as Hecate's whines grew louder and louder from not being able to get what she wanted. "Women fine! Just stop! Please just stop that gods forsaken whining!" Percy finally screamed out loud.

At once the whining stopped, _'You mean it! You want to watch the movie with me?'_

"What did I do to deserve this?" Percy questioned himself quietly, wondering where he had gone wrong in his life. Before Hecate could start to cry once more, he continued, "Yes I'll watch the movie with you, later though! I have some work to do with Albus, right Albus."

The look Albus was receiving from Percy made him respond as quick as he could. "Ah, yes mother. Percy and I must do some paperwork for the school. But, I'm sure once we are done and it's not too late that he would love to watch a movie with you.

' _Yay! Percy's going to watch a movie with me. Percy's going to watch a movie with me!'_ Hecate continued chanting in their mind. _'Say Percy are you into lolicons!?'_

Percy spat on his new boss's face. Realizing his mistake, he quickly apologized. "Sorry about that, you know how Hecate can get." Ignoring Hecate's question completely.

The old man laughed, "My mother sure is a weird one. Come, we must get to the castle. I wish to introduce you to all my students as well as staff before dinner is over.

Percy nodded, and at once both males made their way into the castle. At once Percy was astonished by how everything looked. It honestly made him think he was back in the 1200's with all of the knights in their shining armor surrounding the place.

"Did anyone tell you that you wizards would be great cosplayers." Percy mentioned to him as they walked to the Great Hall, his eyes on the moving portraits that were chatting away, throwing occasional glances at him and Albus.

"I do believe since we have witches and wizards here, we don't need to cosplay since that is who we are. I do hope that none of them get the bright idea to Transfigure their clothing. The idea is rather horrifying once you see some of the more… big boned students."

Percy let out a short laugh, "I suppose your right. So, quick question, are the portraits alive?" Percy asked him, finally mentioning the eyes that were on him.

The old man hummed, "In a sense, it is them at the time in which they put a piece of themselves into the portrait. At least that is the easiest way to explain it without getting into frivolous details." The old man paused at the door to what Percy guess was the Great Hall. "Now Percy, We will be entering from the entrance so we are bound to get some eyes on us. However, I am sure you are used to the attention." The twinkle in his eye was there again.

"Damnit old man, Stop that!" Percy whispered harshly through his teeth.

The twinkle disappeared at once yet a look of mischief was still on his face, "I am confused, what do you mean?"

"You know! That twinkle in your eye."

Albus looked confused, "Are you feeling alright my boy? I am afraid I don't quite know what you are talking about. We could always do this in the morrow if we must."

Percy groaned and shooed his away. "Just, let's get going. The faster we get this done the faster I can go to bed."

"You mean the faster that Hecate steals you to her chamber to watch chick flicks and see how fast she can make you become a lolicon." A loud bang was heard and a dent was made in the walls. "That's none of my business however." Albus added, taking a sip of tea.

"Where the hell did you get the tea?" Percy asked him once he was done banging his head.

Albus checked his watch, "Well look at that, dinner ends in ten minutes. We must get going, I do have to do my announcements as well you know." With that the door swung open and the two so called gentlemen walked in.

At once all eyes were on them, which shouldn't have been that much of a surprise considering the banging that Percy was making against the walls earlier. He just hoped that there wasn't a giant red mark on his forehead. What a way that would be to make an entrance.

After what seemed like endless torture, Percy made his way to his seat at the front table while Albus took his place in his headmaster's chair. "Now listen here everyone. I have some announcements to make for this upcoming year." Albus's voice rang out as soon as he sat down.

Bringing out a scroll that came from who knows where, Albus cleared his throat. "First things first, I do apologize for not being with you hear at dinner tonight. Our new teacher is here from America and he seemed to not get the memo that school started two weeks ago." A few chuckles were heard throughout the hall.

Albus cleared his throat once again. 'Welcome Professor Percy Jackson, he will be teaching Defense against the Dark Arts as well will be doing an optional class for those who are interested in learning how to combat with a sword. Something we have not offered here since 1846 I believe." The Headmaster looked as if he wanted to continue but excited whispers in the hall broke out.

Once they calmed down he continued, "As you know, Quidditch this year has been canceled as I have mentioned earlier. This year, we will be bringing back the Triwizard tournament for all of those who are interested in fame and fortune. We will be explaining later in the week what this entails but for now, let's eat!"

Percy watched as the students at once began eating the dessert that had somehow appeared on the tables. He watched in sick fascination as some of the students began gnawing at some of the desert's on the table.

"Is that even healthy for them?" Percy asked a black haired man that sort of reminded Percy of an emo.

The man shrugged and snarled at them. "Probably not, but who are we to decide how those kids act. We are not their guardians after all."

Percy shrugged, "All I know is that if My mom saw me doing that, she'd throw a fit."

The man smirked, "I believe we are in the same boat."

Percy looked over to the man and held his hand out, "Percy Jackson's the name, Yours?"

"Serveus, Serveus Snape." The man shook it, not softly but not firm either.

"Well, Professor Snape, this is bound to be an interesting year. Isn't it?"

"Indeed it is."


	2. Lolicons won't leave you alone, lovely

"Why am I here?" Percy groaned out. It had only been minutes since the opening feast before he was whisked away. There he was minding his own business before *Poof!* He was sitting on a couch just sitting down next to some weird female.

Well not just any female, a goddess with a strange thing for looking like a Lolita. Percy just had to pray to whoever was out there that he was not the focus of love tonight.

' _Oh Aphrodite, for once in my life can you please help me?'_ A giggle in the background was the only thing that he heard before the line went silent.

"Mou, you made a deal with me! You said you would watch the movie with me! You promised!" Hecate whined out from next to him, holding onto his arm tightly.

"Will you please let go?" Percy asked her, his arm starting to go numb from the blood loss. Never had he met a goddess who was so into some random mortal.

"Ouch!" Percy yelped out as a loud smack was heard. He could feel a large bruise on the back of his head. "What the hell was that for? Hey! Wait! Were you reading my mind, _again?_ " Percy asked her, glaring at her.

Hecate rolled her eyes at him, "First things first, you are not some random mortal. Secondly, yes I did read your mind." Hecate flashed him a grin and gave him a wink.

Percy groaned out loud. Why had he ever agreed to this?

' _Because no matter how hard you tried, she wouldn't shut up.'_ Some dark forbidding thought in the back of his head popped up. Percy nodded to himself, it was completely tru-

A loud smack was heard throughout the house, significantly more than before. Some would say it even had an echo. "What the Hades Women! All I am trying to do is relax!" Percy did not yell, he may have raised his voice just a teansy weansy bit. But he did not yell… Okay maybe just a little, a tiny bit. But that's all.

Apparently to Hecate on the other hand was not exactly happy with the way that Percy raised his voice. The Lolita gave him an evil look that promised pain and suffering for later. Something that Percy was not exactly looking forward to seeing. "I'm sorry Perseus, do you wish to repeat what you just said?"

If Percy could get onto the floor and bow at her feet he would. With most gods and goddess's, it was simple to know how they would act. Zeus for example was a loud and obnoxious man who always wanted to be seen. Made sense since he was an attention who-. Percy meant he wanted attention because he was the god of theater.

Getting back on hand, Hecate was the goddess of magic. Magic was mysterious. Magic could be used in many ways. Magic wasn't easy to tell how Magic would react. AKA Don't piss off magic.

"I'm Sorry Hecate, I am so sorry, do not kill me. Please!" Percy begged, by now his entire arm was numb and Perseus had lost any feeling in his sword arm, he was at this goddess's mercy.

Percy watched closely as he saw Hecate freeze and hum to herself. "Hmm I don't know about that. You have been a rather naughty boy," Hecate giggled to herself.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Percy asked dryly.

"Of course."

The rest of the movie went off without a hitch. Well as much without a hitch as one could possibly get with dealing with a Loli-Goddess. Percy learned his mistake of messing with her. Well he said he did at least. In reality, he probably would continue to annoy the shit out of her later on.

After the second movie was done with, Fifty shades darker. Perseus knew it was time. He had to go back to the school and prepare for the next day where he had to teach all of the kids exactly how to start killing some Mofo's.

"Oh no you don't." Hecate said reading his mind. It was already 2am but the goddess was still wide awake.

"Unlike you I still have to actually sleep you know."

"Sleep?!" Hecate said the way a dog would say squirrel.

Percy groaned, "Is there anything else on your mind then sex?"

Hecate gave Percy a wink, "I have no idea what you're talking about. Besides I've only had 7 children during my entire existence."

"Still seven more children then I've ever had. Your way passing me." A loud smack was heard. "Son of a fucking- "Another slap was heard and Percy was slammed to the ground.

"Don't swear in my presence," Hestia commented while taking a sip of her coffee. Though if one looked closely enough they would see a slight smile on her face. One day he would be hers, perhaps not today or tomorrow but he would be her king and no one would deny that. "Fine, I'll let you go." Hecate said but giving no other comment.

Percy looked at her with disbelief. There was no way he was going to get away as easily as she made it seem. "What do you want?"

"Why Percy!" She mocked gasped and Percy's worst fears were confirmed, she wanted something. "Why would you ever expect me to want something from you?"

Percy watched warily but didn't comment, he liked to live thank you very much. He would wait and see what she wanted to tell him. "If you want to leave you have to marry me!"

Percy wasn't fazed at all, "Son of a bitch I knew it!"

Hecate giggled, "Muhahahahahahahaha. Marry me damnit!"

Percy whined, "I don't wanna. I don't even have my own place to live yet!"

Hecate looked at Percy like he grew a second head, "Were literally in my palace right now. We have a place to live.

Percy's eyes flickered around the room. "Um… still." Was Percy's only excuse. The only thing he could was come up with other ideas of saying no. "I don't wanna be immortal."

Hecate hummed to herself. "Let's have a bet Perseus."

"A bet?"

Hecate nodded at his quizzing look, "This year at Hogwarts will be a magical tournament. If Harry wins you get off scot free. If anything, else happens you have to marry me. If you don't agree you are stuck with me and were going to start doing BDSM. So, choose wisely."

Percy watched her critically, "Do you even know what BDSM stands for?"

It was a few moments of silence as Hecate's face slowly grew redder and redder. "Y-Yes! Of course, I know what It means!"

"Really?" Percy let out a drawl which in return was rewarded with a loud smack.

"Y-Yes now shut up and accept the deal!"

Percy rolled his eyes, "Not like I have a damn option-" Another loud smack was heard. "Son of a bitch!"


End file.
